I found myself in a dilemma yesterday and want to know how you would have handled this same situation.
There is a certain woman here at Hands On the Gulf Coast who by her nature is extremely gregarious. She tells some of the most personal aspects of her life without batting an eye, things that you and I would think twice about revealing. When I a dialog with her, actually it more like a monologue, you can barely get a word in edgewise. It's like she's not aware of the regular rules of conversation. She talks and talks and talks. She talks when she works, she talks when she eats, when you eat, when you are trying to read and giving all the obvious signals that you want to continue reading. She talks when you are in a hurry and trying to get away but you can't because she doesn't provide the break in the monologue to say "hey I have to go." I have seen people go out of their way to avoid her for fear of getting into conversation with her. I've had people complaint to me that she talks so much. Her stories are interesting to say the least and she's lead a truly fascinating life if everything in her stories are to be believe. Oh, the other thing is that she repeats her stories over and over again. Additionally, she will repeat what you've mentioned to her but she very well might get some of the details that you said wrong. Don't get me wrong I really like this woman. She is a hoot, but you just have to be adept at ending the conversation in your own time and not hers. I should tell you that she's in her sixties but a youthful elderly person. And I should also tell you that she has cancer. She says that this is her last remission. I don't know what that means her "last" remission but that's what she told me on Tuesday.
Some further background. My first week here Ellen, Justin and I spent a lot of time with this woman. Them more so than me, but I had my fair share of conversations and work time with her. Then for reasons that Ellen could never truly explain this woman just removed herself from our little group and would barely say anything to us when we saw her the latter part of that first week. Ellen and I were at a loss to explain what had happened.
Fast forward to yesterday afternoon around 430pm in the common space of Home Base. I'm sitting down reading "No Country for Old Men" (better than the movie) and she comes in and sits down and starts talking. Same old stuff and some new stuff cause I hadn't spoken to her in a while. She tells me that the reason she removed her self from our presence at the end of last week is because she got the feeling from us that we didn't want to be around someone who was sick!! She goes on to say that she notice how people were re-acting to her and her cancer so she decided to remove herself and just keep to herself. She said that people have told her in the past that they don't want to be around her because she with cancer.
That's the dilemma that I was confronted with yesterday: A woman telling me that she didn't want to be around me and others because she detected that we didn't want to be around a terminally sick person when I actuality what she was detecting was people not wanting to be around her because she monopolized the conversations.
What did I do?
What would you have done?
- Wil
LN: please send me your email address. Need to talk to you about this. - Wil
3 comments:
WIL YOU CAN'T WIN WITH THIS LADY. SHE MARCHES TO HER OWN BEAT AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY WILL NOT CHANGE HER MIND.SHE SOUNDS LIKE A WOMEN WHO LIKES TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION AT ALL TIME.VERY NEEDY PERSON,WHO MAY BE A LITTLE SICK IN THE MIND.DO REMAIN HER PERSON TO GO TO,BUT KEEP IT BRIEF.ALSO EXPLAIN THAT YOU UNDERSTAND HER PAIN.
Wil, you're an incredibly nice and considerate person. Look at what you're doing with you life right now. Don't take a guilt trip from some crazy old lady, cancer or no. When she asks, just tell her that from what you can see, she's reading the wrong signals. You could even say that sometimes people need alone time and are uncomfortable asking for it, (particularly in a place where you don't get that space). She just has no concept of boundaries, so it's your job to set your own. She'll take care of herself. She's a big girl.
With aperson who is like that you have to consider it a blessing. Being that she is in her 60's and from a different background as you, she has seen and experience some things, such as you are expericing right now, that would boggle the mind. At one time or another in our lifes we have been told to shut up... and shut up and.... she's tired of being quiet, and she has something to say. Just listen and ask questions... if you can
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