I want to rant for a little bit. I want to be spoiled little billy for this post and get this out of my system before it gets the better of me. I just got incredibly homesick. No it hasn't been building for a while it just came on me as I looked at some pictures of my family and friends back in the states. It came on me yesterday as my sharon and chance called and checked in with me before heading out to see the dinosaur walk at the museum. It came on me when I called to wish Noah a happy third birthday and he remembered his uncle wil and wishes me a happy birthday instead. It whispers in my ear when my mom tells me in her comment posts that she loves me or how she and donna went shopping for darius' college dorm room. It grabs at me when Takeshia, Pa Ney Ney, Gordon, Tyree, Kristian, Harney et al send me IMs when we are online and when other friends (Kelly, Pam, Joanne, Kristian, Stevie boi, Thomas, Sean just send quick notes to let me know they are there and just dropping a quick line of hello. Or when Karen sends me a frantic note of concern when she heard about the bombing in Beijing and wanted to know if I was okay. Yes, I was because it wasn't Beijing it was some city as far away from Beijing as NYC is to LA, but it's the thought. It eats at me when poker night rolls around and my gang is probably NOT having a game without me. It's there when I can't reach Stone and Russell after calling time and time again. Then being partially satisfied when I reached one. (Russell Michael I'm on skype now as per my last voice mail I know you have it demmit. For the rest of you i'm wilchappellchina if you use skype.)
Okay so maybe it has been building for a while. I MISS MY PEEPS. I miss that support system that surrounds you daily and keeps you sane, safe and whole. I miss that easy access to those that are important to me. I miss my TIVO, my flatscreen tv, my macs, my high speed internet connection where I can see Orla's and Cormac's pictures without having to twindle my thumbs andwhistle while i wait. I miss Jerry's pizza in my neighborhood and wonton soup from the chinese place around the corner, stupid i know since i'm in the land of wonton soup but i still miss it. I miss my apartment with that stupid too dark paint on the walls which will hopefully be changed by the time i get back. I miss my one set of white dishes that I've had forever and probably really need to get a least two more set since i've broken quite a few of them. I MISS MY CLOTHES. I have been wearing the same three pairs four pairs of shorts, 7 pairs of underwear, one pair of sneakers, one pair of sandals and a pair of shower slippers, 5 pairs of sox three pairs of pants two of which are swimming on me now, and assorted t shirts since i got here. And yes, I was clothes every week sunday. I miss my shoes. I miss my toiletries. I miss my cologne. I haven't worn cologne in over a month and quite frankly don't have too cause I smell damn good but I miss it none the less. I miss...my country. I miss America. Land of the...home of the...I miss it. I miss America. She ain't perfect but she's mine, she's all I got and I miss her.
I feel better now. I feel like the pressure is off; the release valve was opened. For those wondering I'm still going to go on with this journey. I chose this. I knew what I'd be sacrificing. I knew at times it wouldnt be easy, most things aren't. If you don't cave in you only get stronger right?
I'll recognize and honor what I'm feeling and make it part of the entire experience. I may get homesick again but I'm never alone or lonely because I take you all with me. I truly mean that. I really do.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. (Big sigh of relief.) I'm going to bed now.
- Wil
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2 comments:
I can feel what you're missing, and like you said, its your feelings. Grab them, hold on to them, their yours. Ok, feelings are like the wind, it comes and goes. Your feelings, just like the wind, are a breath of fresh air. Cool, relaxing. We miss you and wish you a save experience, but don't stop what you're doing. Not too many people could, would or can experience what you're doing now. Personally, I'm jealous as heck. I want to do China too. New york will always be NY, but china is something different completely. Just take MANY PICTURES, save them to many online websites. Flickr, gmail, yahoo, online storage... you know. They are memories for the future.
Hi Sweetie, I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!! I haven't written you much because I don't want to seem like a whiney, envious, clingy, posessive, jealous, selfish, bitch, so I try to refrain from writing too often and let you enjoy yourself! Anyway... You seem like you're having the time of your life, and I'm living vicariously through you! I WAS SO IN THAT FIGHT WITH YOU AND MARCO - I WAS KICKING, PUNCHING, PULLING HAIR (YOU KNOW HOW US B.I.T.C.H.E.S. DO! I'm so glad that you're unharmed, safe and sound and eating scorpions. Everyone here is fine, and sends their love and regards! I'm celebrating my B'day on 8/11, and Renee and I are going on the Spirit of NY jazz cruise on Wednesday (13th) to celebrate. I know that you were missing your 1st 4th of July here, and I was lucky enough to be invited to our cousin Gina's place to watch the from her window - I'll try to send you some picture and video! I wish I was there with you walking the Great Wall, drinking to excess, getting in fights and eating scorpions - DAMN!!!! That's living! I Love you in a very whiney, envious, clingy, posessive, jealous, selfish, bitchy way - your cuz - Denise
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