For Penny O'Kane

Memory can be a bitch!! A song, a smell, a sound, a taste can all bring you back to that certain moment in time. That's what happened to me tonight.


We were out celebrating Jasmin's last few days with Mandarin House. Dinner followed by some karaoke. Amazing food at this restaurant in Nanguoxiang Houtong. During karaoke the beer was flowing and then the song came on: Bridge Over Troubled Water. I had to sing it, I can actually sing it rather well, but I couldn't tonight because I was blinking away and swallowing back tears at the memory of Penny O'Kane.

It was one of those summers where you are young full of life and having an amazing time meeting new people and figuring out where you fit into life as an emerging young adult. It was the summer of '83 at Syracuse University. I was 20 years old going into my senior year at university and I had just become a brother in my fraternity that spring. I was working as a peer tutor counselor for the incoming freshman class that were part of H.E.O.P. summer program. I was actually in this same program three years prior and being a peer tutor counselor was something that I was really looking forward to because the counselors my pre-freshman year in the program had made a tremendous impact on me and I wanted to return the favor.

I was a shy guy, still am with folks I don't know, and I didn't know any of the other counselor except a couple or so I'd seen around campus. Juliet M was one of them. We ran in different circles at school but we were cool. This summer and started hanging out a lot with Penny O'Kane and Anthony "Tony" M. The four of us were kind inseparable. The kids loved us and we generally had a really good time with them and each other.

At the end of the summer program Penny and Tony were seeing one another and it made perfect sense. They were made for each other. But it was Penny and I that sang together at the banquet that is held at the program's end, and it's the peer tutor counselors that perform for the staffers, students and other counselors. Penny and I sang, you guessed it, Bridge Over Troubled Water and brought the house down. It went over really well. All our hours of practicing had really paid off.

The four of us were reluctant to let the summer end for a couple of reason. 1. I was transferring to a college of Syracuse, Utica College that was 50 miles away and 2. we all ran in different circles at Syracuse during the year and paths probably wouldn't cross for the three that would be there. So a concerted effort would have to be made to stay in touch. We promised to do so and we all went home for the reminder of the summer and stayed in contact. Juliet and I lived in the Bronx and we talked a few times. I called Tony and Penny separately to check in now and again. All was cool.

The fall semester of my senior year I went to Utica College and they went back to Syracuse. I'd gone back to Syracuse on a couple of ocassions and checked in, left messages etc but you know how college is. Saw Penny though and had a good time seeing her. I remember us talking about how much fun and how carefree the summer with the four of us was. We call tried to stay in contact but it's college distractions, committments, this that, blah blah blah.

Went home for Christmas break. At some point during the break got a call that Penny was in a car accident and was currently in a coma. Her brother or sister was killed and another sibling had a broken arm. Tony, Juliet and I rushed to her side and tried to will her out of the coma. We talked to her, I sang our song to her, we held her, we begged her to come back to us....but she didn't.

Reality check. Bad things happen to good people. I'd never had anything like this happen to a close friend of mine. I didn't know what to do. I checked in with the family to see if there was any change but evertime I called there wasn't. Eventually I stopped calling. I went back to school as did Juliet and Tony but it was different. It's one thing knowing that the person you can't see right now or can't get a hold of is busy doing something else. It's another knowing that the person you want to contact you can't because they are seriously injured. Reality check indeed.

I'd go back to Syracuse and see my brothers there and also check in on Tony. He was the one hurting the most out of all of us I think. I think he and Penny may have gotten married at some point. Last time I saw him he was talking about going into the military. I'm not sure what happened to him. I think Juliet and I may have been in contact for a short while after all this. Not too sure, memory being what it is. I think it was too much for me to see these guys and not think of Penny so I stopped calling. And life went on.

And then one day years later I heard Bridge Over Troubled Water and the memory was opened and everything came flooding back. I called the only number I had for the family and found that it was disconnected. Called information asking for any O'Kane in that area, all to no avail.

This brings me to late last year when I heard the song out of the blue again. I had to find out one way or another what happened to Penny. I used the internet this time and found her obituary. I found that she had passed away in a long term care facility. I'm not certain if she had ever come out of the coma however.

So this is for Penny O'Kane: Sail on silver girl/Sail on by/Your time has come to shine/All your dreams are on their way/See how they shine/Oh if you need a friend/I'm sailing right behind/Like a bridge over troubled water/I will ease your mind/Like a bridge over troubled water/I will ease your mind

Sail on silver girl. I miss you. - Wil